military aviation jokes

If not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off of Highway 101 and make a right at the lights to return to the airport, 52. Baltimore, said Dad. A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. Keeping it safe for democracy. Lori Shandle-Fox. 2. A young pilot in a Fighter Jet was flying escort for a B-52 Bomber and generally being a nuisance, acting like a big hotshot, flying loops around the lumbering old bomber. Dad always bragged about the gunners on his ship. Minimum Connecting Time Time it takes an Olympic Gold Medal sprinter to run between two gates, 61. But my fears were put Our bases Army Exchange Service carried a particular brand of underarm deodorant that I liked and bought for years. "Ah", the fighter pilot remarked "The dreaded Seven-Engine approach", 12. 17. The Marine insisted that since he was in the aisle seat he would get it for him. with someone braver than you.'. There are optimists and pessimists in aviation. Dad got quiet. Scan the list below to find some hilarious military one-liners that will make your Navy friend laugh like crazy. A DC-10 had an exceedingly long roll out after landing with his approach speed just a little too high. Good news and bad news, my instructor said. A: The jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down. Everything from puns to some sarcastic one-liners are included in the Army jokes below to crack on an Army member you know and love. Being in the military is no laughing matter, but you know what can liven the spirits of those who serve or have served? you cant do both. What happened when a soldier went into an enemy bar? Whats the main mission of the Marine Corps? When I heard him describe the impending birth of his first child as when the baby has boots on the A friend paid my mother a visit. 5) The Franco-Prussian War ended in a stalemate and had to be settled by a winner-take-all game of backgammon played by the two countries prime ministers. Sure!With that, he revved up the razor, clipped off my sideburns, and gave them to me. Guys, do you know some jokes related to military aviation? USN: Helos My husbands cousin married a former Marine who now works for United Parcel Service. Keep up with Katee on Instagram and linkedin.com. Great jokes, Im an inactive Marine (58 years) but still get a kick out of this type of humor. Airman: The worst was when the air conditioner broke in our tent and it was 110 degrees outside! Marine: Wait, stop. They cant seem to string three Ws together. Me: No, I dont. 36. ", "Sir" she calmly answered, "if I'd had any of those items, I would have used them by now". What do pilots and air traffic controllers have in common? If air traffic controllers screw up, pilots also die. Your seat cushions can be used for flotation. I cant, he said, but thats his worry now., An Air Force pilot says to a seaman, Youre in the Navy but you cant swim?, The seaman replies, Are you saying that since youre in the Air Force youre able to fly?. No copyright required, as all content is freely available on 1,000s of websites. I admit itI have a tendency to exaggerate, and I was afraid when I joined the Navy that my creativity might get me in trouble. How different military branches use the stars: The U.S. Army sleeps beneath the stars. !An angry voice finally replied, My name aint George!. What do you call a Marine that has an IQ of 160? Finally, exasperated the frog asked, "What is the matter with you? A LOOtenant! Well, I, too, am a SEASONED Veteran! Whats the difference between a special forces member of the Navy and an otter? A cookie and a piece of cake joined the army, but eventually, they abandoned their fellow soldiers. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the flight attendant, "and it took . Officer: Soldier. What happened Sergeant? Sometime later, when the examination was Coffee tastes better if the latrines are dug downstream from an encampment. How tough? Military jokes, Aviation humor, Military humor Explore Education Career Save From scontent-mxp1-1.xx.fbcdn.net Military Jokes N Nawar K. 644 followers More information Military Jokes Army Humor Funny Photos Funny Images Aviation Humor History Jokes Warrior Quotes Stupid Funny Memes Hilarious More information . 2010 The Thought & Expression Company, LLC. St. 11 of the Best Veteran Memes That Perfectly Sum Up Veteran Humor. As for the rest of you, get down and give me 40 for lying!. I am the PMC at a Dinner Night next week, where apart from my Boss and myself the rest of the guests are Army (from an array of cap badges). You had tents?, A drill sergeant yells at his young trainee, I didnt see you at camouflage training this morning, private!, The private replies, Well, thank you very much, sir., A general gets stuck in his Jeep on the side of the road. When our drill instructor demanded an explanation, the man bellowed, This recruit has proved himself worthless and weak and is being mailed home to his mother!. There was bound to be trouble, and I was right, because suddenly, he fell silenteyebrows arched, brain overloaded. Sergeant, he said, what if we dont have any initials? Matthew Nazarian. Civilian casual tees are absolutely unacceptable. You might be in the Coast Guard if you claim to have every woman in the port, yet youre at an ashore unit. The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. 18. On an internal Flight with a very Senior Flight Attendant crew, the pilot said, Ladies and Gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. I got one here related to the tranparency of Soviet news.. ----- *News report from Soviet press agency* A friendly communist agricultural tractor was intercepted by enemy group of seven Chinese battle tanks, while performing its everyday works on wheat fields along Soviet-Chinese border. All you dummies fall out. As the rest of the squad wandered away, I remained at attention. While on maneuvers in the Mojave Desert, our convoy got lost, forcing our lieutenant to radio for help. How do you know when your date with a fighter pilot is halfway over? Emergency Checklist Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it. OHH OHOH! Why didnt the troop tell anyone about their rank in the military? Top Flight Deck / Cockpit Jokes and Memes Collection. Heres what they came up with: After a very heavy landing in Halifax, the Flight Attendant announced; Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. On-time Arrival Obscure term meaning unknown, 63. What has a nose and flies, but can't smell? As A.J. Now, lets try it again! 29. Why Do We Celebrate It? 6. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance", To this, Warren replied, "Joy that helicopter is fifty quid, and fifty quid is fifty quid", The pilot overheard the couple and said, "Folks I'll make you a deal. Some of the jokes on this list I first read and on their websites. The ships operations officer entered the messdeck, his eyes bleary and at half-mast. The cruiser opened up, shells furiously flying all around the drone but not hitting it. The ships operations officer entered the messdeck, his eyes bleary and at half-mast. Hotel/Car Rental Shuttle Bus Vehicle subject to paranormal effects. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have, 16. S | Auto land not installed on this aircraft. Having been an architectural draftsman in civilian life, I raised my hand. Thanks.. He had noticed that, for the umpteenth time, a recruit kept going to his right on a left command. He says, Anyway, enough about me. "Throw out more!" shouts the pilot. The only time you have too much fuel is when youre on fire. When I was a Navy student pilot, I visited the home of a classmate. I met his wife and baby and was impressed that he had all his flight gear neatly laid out on a table. Aboard a troop carrier crossing the Atlantic, I noticed a seasick pal of mine losing it over the railing alongside several other soldiers. In college, my freshman-year roommate was in ROTC and came from a long line of military men. Son, you are going to have to make up your mind about growing up and becoming a pilot. Pointing to the My husbands cousin married a former Marine who now works for United Parcel Service. I was the cook.. He had the same plane as yours. One day, I was told As part of my Naval Reserve requirements at Emory University Dental School, I attended a talk about proper dental procedures following nuclear warfare. Upon the Vietnam war's conclusion a lot of money was invested in creating the next class of aircraft. 13:30 comes and goes. ", The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it on the ground, took off her clothing and said, "Take what you want", The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway". But 1) In World War II, a German U-boat was sunk because of a malfunctioning toilet. Military Jokes and Humor stories have always amused and entertained. After everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down and told them There are three rules in this mess hall- Shut up! Because hes a captain in the Air Force. Mother, As the general inspected our troops, he asked some of the Marines which outfit they were serving with. This site contains affiliate links. Aviation JOKES. As an Amazon Associate, I earn a commission from qualifying purchases at no extra cost to you. They all originally set out to become Marines. The military has a long, proud tradition of pranking recruits. Katees passion for writing and fascination for language has forever guided her path in life. You had tents?" Ask the Air Force to secure a building and they will sign a 10 year lease with an option to buy. The cruiser opened up, shells furiously flying all around During World War II, my father often found himself stuck with KP duty. Tell these quips to a friend in the service to give them a good chuckle. MARCH! 39. Semper Pie What did the Coastie say when his friends asked why he was getting married? Black said he jokes about getting a sense of what America thinks about its military by the movies that come out, and the only decent military movie in recent years, in his opinion, was "Top Gun . I will take the both of you for a ride. Had a new guy conduct a boom test on a howitzer by yelling Boom! down the tube in order to calibrate it I was standing watch when an old, run-down freighter named Sagar Moti passed by. Now, they are wanted for dessertion. Take a look at the military jokes about the U.S. Marine Corps below to find some hilarious quips. Having been an architectural draftsman in civilian life, I raised my hand. Marine: Wait, stop. Soldier: No way, you guys had air conditioners? Once during target practice, an unmanned drone flew past an antiaircraft cruiser. The soldier swore under his breath at the Marine and told him he wanted to get up and get a drink. Do you want to hear about my plane?. It took the poor guy all day. Overheard on a flight into Regina, on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain really had to fight to control it. Please do not leave children or spouses, 14. I was standing watch when an old, run-down freighter named Sagar Moti passed by. My dad and uncles were all in the Army during wartime, but only two of the three served overseas. ! Again, no reply. We thought we would try to share as many with you as possible. and his platoon of recruits were marching, their sergeant slipped and tumbled down a ravine. ", Warren always replied, "I know Joy, but that helicopter ride is fifty quid, and fifty quid is fifty quid", One year Warren and Joy went to the Show, and Joy said, "Warren, I'm 85 years old. 1) In World War II, a German U-boat was sunk because of a malfunctioning toilet. While drinking their beers, the smart-ass fighter pilot decided to ask, How many did you end up catching today.. A Military lab has developed a pizza that boasts a shelf life of three years without being frozen, and now the Week has asked its readers to name this durable dish. You had tents?, USAF: Birds My 90-year-old dad was giving a talk at our local library about his World War II experiences. What do you call a training sergeant whos very kind and respectful? It works just like every other seat belt and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised, 26. Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death ..I Shall Fear No Evil. 35. I lifted up my rifle and gave it one last try: George!! This website is not affiliated with the United States Marine Corps, and the information on this website does not necessarily reflect the opinions of the Marine Corps as a whole. I was very nervous, she said. A lieutenant stood up and asked, Is that 24 hours our time or 24 hours their time?. DeFrigNo! March forth! "He who is first will soon be last, and now I know what he means," King said, referencing a lyric from Bob Dylan as he reflected on what the race . The optimist invests the aeroplane and the pessimist invents the parachute. 4. Yes, said the lieutenant. StrategyPage's Military Jokes and Military Humor. We are currently looking for former Marines to join the team who are interested in writing about tactical gear, survival gear, hiking supplies, etc. Caller: Is Sgt. Speed is life. I just put them all together for your amusement. Attention! What is a Soldiers least favorite month? Why doesnt the Army team have ice on the sidelines during football games? Sent a recruit to medical-supplies office in search of fallopian tubes How can you tell if theres an Air Force pilot at the bar? In-flight Snacks Little treats sealed in a bag that can only be opened by using a chainsaw. Then came Dads ships turn. Read more. He is the Founder and . A drill serGENTLEMEN! August 15, 2021. 7. In this great little clip, an SR-71 pilot tells a story about flying around the Western United States to build up crew hours when small plane pilots started calling into air traffic control to ask . I never knew you had such a weak stomach, I said. Airman: "The worst was when the air conditioner broke in our tent and it was 110 degrees outside!" Soldier: "No way, you guys had air conditioners? ", Warren replied, "Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Joy fell out, but you know, fifty quid is fifty quid". The soldier immediately sat down and began digging through his rucksack. I was instructing new recruits when an officer entered my classroom to observe and report on my teaching style. Both have been racing sled dogs for decades. R-i-i-ing!) When I spotted a Navy captain on the street, I saluted and bellowed, LST 395, which was the designation and number of the ship I served on during World War II. These military jokes about the United States Air Force are a mixed bag. If pilots screw up, they die. 4th of July 2022: Celebrating the Birth of Our Nation & Its Heroes, Military Appreciation Month 2022: Saluting Those Who Serve, Veterans Day 2022: Celebrating Those Whove Served. Pre-flight briefing from Canadian Air Force Pilot If you hear me yell Eject, Eject, Eject, the last two will be echoes. Air Force Says OKEY DOKEY?. These pilots' jokes can easily be turned into a pilot pun and other airlines' jokes. I was very nervous, she said. When they come home, they get to leave their inlaws thousands of miles away. Fish Food. Large mahogany desk.. Then one day I couldnt find it. Where are you from? When Is Military Appreciation Month? How much noise can we make up here? But yours is.. I told him that I had a date that night and asked for a How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? An officer asked if I knew what it meant. Landings are mandatory. A drill serGENTLEMEN! Some are jokes that only the U.S. Air Force can understand while others are jokes made about those who are USAF members. Death is just natures way of telling you to watch your airspeed. 45. Collective Military Hardships One day an airman, an Army soldier, and a Marine were talking about the hardships they faced during their last deployment. Around midnight, I noticed movement behind a bush. aviation JOKES (random) Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. The Best Short Military Jokes 1. Do not communicate with officers using only Madonna lyrics. He nodded. Soon after arriving at basic training, we were marched to the base barbershop, where we were told wed find a clipboard with our names on it. A sailor and a marine are both in the bathroom peeing. Nothing, she said. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week" The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket. Here soldiers share what theyve gleaned from past gaffes: Rodrigues? Why doesnt the Army football team have a website? 66. I am so happy you are risking your life for the USA! The B-52 continued its flight, straight and level. He was holding a toothbrush, which he proceeded to use to scrub underneath the rim of a toilet. I've told you that I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. They want their patients to see 20:20! Whats the difference between the Boys Scouts and the Army? Aircraft Pilot "Radar, we're a flight of two A10s, currently overhead and, er, we've forgotten our callsign", Radar Controller: "No problem, we'll allocate temporary ones: adopt callsign Stupid One and Stupid Two". He would never get on my nerves, because he would always be gone. Our pilots FLY much better than they DRIVE so please remain seated until the captain finishes taxiing and brings the aircraft to a complete stop at the terminal, 13. Anytime someone asked what his father did, hed say, Hes in the Army. I told him umpteen times, Stop telling people Im in the Army! It finally seemed to hit home because on the admittance form for kindergarten, under fathers profession, the teacher wrote, He doesnt know what his father does, but hes not in the Army.. I was instructing new recruits when an officer entered my classroom to observe and report on my teaching style. This program is designed to provide a way for websites to earn advertising fees by linking to Amazon. We are directly under the moon.. We were a tough group. He wanted to move out of the barracks as soon as possible. So I quit ordering it.. I served in Japan, said Uncle Sid. Want more amazing military jokes? Why do flight attendants make great astronauts? My friend kept asking what my military rank was, but I kept telling him its Private. 28. We were inspecting several lots of grenades. Its important that soldiers learn from their mistakes; otherwise, theyre bound to repeat them at inopportune moments. Even if you arent in the military yourself, try reading some of these out loud to someone you know in a particular branch and watch as their face lights up. As part of my Naval Reserve requirements at Emory University Dental School, I attended a talk about proper dental procedures following nuclear warfare. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. 65. In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminium going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose.

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