husband doesn t want to go on family vacationgoblin commander units
Go. My husband gets nervous whether Im traveling for business or just about town (granted, Im not the best driver). My mom is the same way. Answer (1 of 74): I can explain this with a story, which is below, but basically - you can't change someone else. Sure, anxiety may be amplifying his concerns, but anxiety doesnt make a respectful, supportive, loving spouse demand that their wife refuse to attend a business trip. sienna plantation inventory homes; masters in international law and diplomacy; is daffodil water poisonous; husband doesn t want to go on family vacation husband doesn t want to go on family vacation. Agree with the high level of security even on the streets. Asking for baseline respect should not be a fraught conversation. (Be prepared to be as fair-minded when it is your . You should protect your son! If you leave it as a well go eventually and never book it, and also never talk about it, things are gonna get worse. Especially if you think it is an anxiety-stemming thing, instead of a control-stemming thing. When I was fretting over whether to pursue a fantastic opportunity that would require a good amount of travel, he told me, Youve worked too hard to get where you are to not take ANY opportunity you want to take. And he means it. For sure gamboling DOES occur in Vegas, same as gambling :). It could be, but its tougher to stay up all night gambling and partying in the middle of the week in NY or SF. One of my best friends took his family (2 very young children) to Vegas, and they had a great time. You cant expect someone with a broken leg to ski down a mountain; you cant expect someone in an irrational state of fear to behave in a reasonable manner *in the moment*. I find this so interesting. Also deploying the well everyone else thinks youre wrong too thing is a really immature way to work through a disagreement. It blows my mind that people see this as acceptable behaviour. asks from Lake Charles, LA on June 30, 2011. You can always spend less at a Days Inn or Holiday Inn or similar 3-star facility. Work trips tend to not be fun because you spend the whole time WORKING and have no time to go out and have fun. Food! Usually these things build up over time and abusive relationships (even if not intentionally abusive even if the partner really does have anxiety or whatever and is not TRYING to be controlling!) Yeah, I read it as they object and they wouldnt let them go.. But yeah, even then Im thinking more one-off or emergency situations at home, not I dont like that city!. Many people we know (work, friends, sometimes family) just cant wrap their head around the fact that we dont need to be joined at the hip 24/7 and that were not jealous. But not wholesome. Couples counseling may be useful but controlling spouses are sometimes effective manipulators and in those situations couples counseling is a terrible idea. Well, okay, then, if your mom says so!. This advice is enabling his negative behaviors. There was a recent one with the same problem! Or is it just that hes an anxious person in general? Dont let his fear poison that for you, it wont end well for your happiness or well being. Its better than it has been at times, but it never quite goes away. He thinks it's going to be too difficult. Hey, if they didnt want me to take 2 Jacuzzi baths a day they shouldnt have put a TV in there! I would have zero concerns about my husband going to Vegas without me, and I know that he would have zero concerns about me going without him. And hes trying to sabotage your livelihood with his nonsense? 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He stresses less when I go somewhere urban. I called home from a pay phone on the street around 10pm UK time and she freaked out because I was outside, at night, with nobody around who knew me! I always laugh about when I lived in the Bay Area and my mom would freak out anytime I mentioned doing something in Oaklandshe really could not understand how the city could possibly be different than the way it is portrayed in the media, and assumed I was walking into some drug/murder den on a frequent basis. If this is a regular occurrence, it could be indicative of a larger problem, such as marital strife. The husband is acting like a jerk and the OP needs to figure out whether this is something/someone she can live with and whether he is capable of improving. Ive gone to Vegas for work and my husband just told me to have a good time and made jokes about what kind of stuff I might get up to while I was there because we knew Id mostly be bored and cranky with the work situation. husband doesn t want to go on family vacationmobile homes for rent in patterson, la. Super reasonable! But she did not mention that she had her picture taken with male strippers that she would never told me if hadnt found them. Agree with the advice for counseling. They go out of their way to watch everyone. Then maybe, if you can swing it, a weekend trip there for the two of you would be a good idea? I have some of this kind of anxiety myself and totally understand where your wife is coming from. Bigger point being ITS NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS and not their place to weigh in. At some level, I doubt he even realizes at this point whats going on. Las Vegas facilities can serve dinner to 5000+ people in less than 30 minutes without breaking a sweat. Except he took a poll of his mom. Then everyone is sober. I personally hate Vegas, but I would never question the idea of sending a business trip there because its typically the cheapest place you can gather people from offices all over the continent. I wouldnt want him to go with work but only because I wouldnt want him to go without me, its our place! Maybe there are some things about himself orhis relationship with you that need some work. Im a bit flabbergasted. We did it almost two weeks ago and it took about 14 hours, and now we're headed home. How would it feel if you lost your job or got demoted because you stopped travelling due to his shenanigans? I think this is my problem with some of the suggestions that OP should bring her husband on the trip. Ive pretty much given up on trips for fun. I went for the first time over the summer. Married people travel for work all the time, even to cities with a greater-than-their-fair-share amount of vices around, and they typically behave responsibly and stay faithful. But I did find pictures of her with male strippers so yeah Im nervous shes younger and hasnt traveled like I have the world can be dangerous. : Dont bring your kids to The Thunder Down Under that show doesnt have anything to do with the weather) but its pretty safe, relatively speaking. Im so sorry, Emma. Ive never gone to a weddings and heard vows that included I promise to love, honor, cherish, and ask your permission before I leave the house. Is a 4 day trip to Vegas worth loosing a 10 yrs relationship. This is WAAAY different than not having a closed door meeting with a member of the opposite sex, though. Hyperbole and feigned hysteria are not the same thing. Why wont he go on the trip with you? Ill be finding myself an apartment when I get back from Vegas. I actually didnt tell her I got K&R insurance when I worked in the Philippines and had to travel to an area where nearby skirmishes were going on and kidnappings WERE a concern. Maybe his friends dont work either and are supported by their wives. husband doesn t want to go on family vacationguinness irish stew slow cooker. (I would be in the back with the baby and my older daughter). Marriage CounselingDefinitely. The touristy gloss. This is so far outside of normal that if I were in your shoes OP, I would be socking money away so that I could leave him, unless theres something youre not telling us that could possibly justify how he treats you. Unless, its a SERIOUSLY homogeneous group, whichis possibleunfortunately. Find an new therapist to go alone so you can undo all the damage that marriage counseling with a controlling spouse has done. However, as hes not likely to acknowledge his issues without some therapy, couples counseling is probably a sensible place to ask him to start. It seems infinitely more likely that what they actually said was yeah man, that sucks, I dont know why she wouldve broken up with you as sympathy and he took it that way, but either way, you dont date by committee! I understand having those anxious thoughts, absolutely, especially if youve been cheated on in the past but if youre at the point of accusing your partner that theyll take some hypothetical opportunity to cheat and are foricng them to defend themselves from a purely hypothetical accusation, there are serious issues. Its like the person who tried to quit, and their boss polls the other managers and then tells employee that the other managers all agree, employee does not have a good enough reason to quit. If you can get that sort of perspective before the trip, that would be great. Im curious if your husband is perhaps someone who has never really traveled anywhere, and the whole prospect of travel gets his anxiety going? Its a big deal, but its not the end of the world for either of you. And in the second place, theres definitely nothing that conflicts with the fact that surveying ones friends is not a great way to navigate ones marriage. My professional association alternates years between Vegas and Disney for its annual conference because those two places are both great for massive groups of people at a reasonable price. Be very very wary of ever harming your career or earning potential because of the desires of another person. First, it doesnt workanxiety will inevitably find things to be anxious about, ultimatelyand second, its not reasonable or feasible to ask someone to do that. It ended up taking us 16 hours, but I didn't think it was bad at all. I agree. Couples therapy, NOW, to sort out this huge red flag. Totally. Shes gone twice now and all they do is drink and gamble! Ive known controlling people that became that way because it was a learned coping method for a disordered brain pattern not that it is a good coping method, mind you, but it is one. The way I see it, OP, assuming youre not a serial cheater who constantly engages in risky behaviors when your spouse is not standing over you, your husband is either really insecure about your marriage, or really anxious in general. Seriously. Thats even better than the Seinfeld episode where Georges girlfriend refuses to accept his decision to break up with her! It took getting out (and lots of tears, letting some of the love-roots pull out from my heart with time and distance, and lots of therapy) to realize that he really was some of those things and others he wasnt, but it was irrelevant because he was still hurting me. Iasked ifI could come. Even if he does have some kind of anxiety disorder, he needs to recognize that this behavior isnt reasonable in a relationship, and marriage counseling is a great way to work out problems in a relationship. My then-husband and I spent three days in Vegas with two other couples, and the most sinful thing we did was see a strip show that our group leader had accidentally bought us all tickets to. I can fold laundry and watch chick flicks and read novels in the tub after the kids go to bed, He says he has asked other people about the situation and everyone objects that they would even let their significant other go.. I also suffer from anxiety that could be debilitating, if I allowed it to be. Mmm.. Funnily enough, I never cheated, never had my drink spiked or got kidnapped during these excisions to sin city. If you think a situation sounds abusive, please dont recommend couples therapy. I wonder if OPs husband has watched too much CSI? I just love when you have the oh you too? moment with strangers on the internet. Also it can help having an objective outsider there. OP, I have a few questions: do you travel overnight to other places for your work? Its not really a fun place to go for work. Immediate marriage counseling is required and if he wont go, see a counselor yourself. I wonder if the husband is insecure that the wife is the primary breadwinner and might be subconsciously trying to sab0toge her career. Abuse isnt as uncommon as you think it is. We have been arguing and I just don't know what to do. And the shopping! Abusers often (successfully!) Ifthings are still strained, wewould recommend setting upanappointment with amediator ortherapist who specializes incouples therapy. And people loooooove the lotto tix here. Last year when she went not only did I work my 2 jobs but I tiled our laundry room to stay busy and keep my mind on things. The ugliness. I have to comment on this one. And opportunities to cheat and people who will spike a strangers drink exist in every city. It was very concerning. I can believe that he chooses to associate mostly with people who share his views on sin, evil, and temptation. I certainly didnt want to give that impression! Really? And shell never be the breadwinner, but again, thats what she signed up for from the get-to. For example, I dont gamble and drugs, etc have no appeal. I cant quite tell from this letter if he does yet or notnor if its a true anxiety issue or straight-up manipulative, controlling behavior. AP, this is just a wonderful post. One thing I will mention about Vegas is that yes, like anywhere else, things can happen in regards to safety, but that city is so patrolled. A month? Scheduled calls keep him more relaxed. What do you think?. Could also be a mix of the two, or something nobody has thought of yet. Say to yourself something like, I am not a therapist, and even if I were, it would be unethical and impossible for me to treat someone Im in a relationship with. Theres a lot of pressure on family to be carers and therapists and *everything* someone needs its not possible, its often harmful give yourself permission to skip that mess. Me: Um, what now? Excuse me? In either case, I should have ended it. Ill willingly concede that deglove describes something altogether horrible, but deplane is an idiotic, unnecessary, invented word. They always ended up going to what one of them called armpit towns. Even if they went someplace cool, they rarely had time to do anything ever. Whoever heard of such a thing, going to Sin City for work! Huh. I wonder if one solution wouldnt just be to bring her husband WITH her (on her own expense and probably paying for their own room)? If his problem is that his marriage doesnt look the way a marriage is supposed to look (and lets get real here we absolutely do NOT have enough information to be as sure as you are) then a good marriage counselor can help him to readjust his notions. I really dont recommend this course of action. They figure the guys didnt want any young white foreigners getting caught up in some kind of scuffle but still Dont start trouble, you wont get trouble! Of course, this is all conjecture. Thoughts? Sure, its too much if youre super conservative, but then the root of the debate is not Las Vegas itself. Only discussing the precise words given in the letter: But VEGAS?! For the OP, this is a marriage problem. For another, unless the husband is a lot more clever than it seems from the letter and follow ups, a good counselor would be useful to the OP, even if it is abuse. Agree counseling would be a good place to start. Absolutely. Im someone who immediately leaps to the Worst Possible Scenario thanks to my anxiety. Husband Doesn't Want to Come with the Family on Vacation As Captain Awkward would put it: you have a husband problem, not a job problem. I am the main provider in our home, and it angers me that it seems he wants to sabotage my job because of his insecurities. This. Maybe you set a boundary about content, and tell him you only want to talk about good stuff while youre goneI love you, cant wait to see you is OK, Im so worried youll get drugged, raped, and murdered is too much to put on you while youre focusing on work. He would be excited, even. Its just not reasonable to expect a spouse to not travel for business, and I cant imagine a whole group of people who would say such a thing. Exactly. In many cities, there are few or no options to indulge in these vices, certainly not legally! We arent gamblers either. So, later this year I am going on a two-week hiking trip with a couple of friends one of whom is a man, even! I used the work on policy areas around crime, and in the UK, people places with low crime rates have a much higher fear of crime than people from high crime areas. Yeah, I sometimes hear about people who really want a job with a lot of work travel, or people who think being a flight attendant would be really glamorous, and Im just like meh. This is about control. This is actually a place where marriage counseling can be extremely useful. husband doesn t want to go on family vacation by Christy Cox for Divorced Moms. Last but not least, take some time for yourself. Either hes being very careful who he asks so that hes only asking people who would agree with him, or hes converting noncommittal answers (e.g., Yeah, I can see that youre upset) into See? Then we went to Hoover Dam on a tour. The letter writer husband is waving some pretty sizable red flags. Group Owners uphold the core values of the brand by reporting content that violates the community guidelines. Answer (1 of 11): I do not care why he does it! We live in an at-will dating society, where either party can end the relationship at any time, with or without cause and with or without notice. Youre the breadwinner? Maybe OP married him? Not from the letter and not from the follow ups. I was just coming here to ask if she asked him to Turn his key!. If youre seeing these things and thinking anything like I cant say that, he would freak outmarriage counseling, please. Good luck! Is this the one about the rationalist who refused to pick up broken glass? She didnt ask permission to go on a business trip this week, because I understand that her work travel is non-negotiable. I think this is a little parochial, in fact. Its really hard for people to disagree with their buddies in ways harsher than well, I dont know about THAT, but I can see where youre coming from., I can very easily see him going would YOU let your wife go on some so-called business trip with her sleazy coworkers to Vegas?? Certainly the OP needs to be careful with couselors. I have a friend now who Ill maybe mention that he is going to a business thing and he will badger me where is he? The irony is, for business trips, Vegas is essentially Disney. I will never ever return or step foot in an obnoxious casino. And LWs husband doesnt get to veto business trips, either. I mean, marriage counseling could still be useful, but an anxiety screening, too. Maybe he is just a lazy dude who wants to keep his cash cow working and under his thumb?? Hopefully the comment section will help the OP see what is going on here. I dont know, maybe other people are able to work through this kind of thing, but I couldnt. I bet youll have fun. oh, and the dancing fountains at the Bellagio. As it were. Ill be honest, my first thought was not anxiety, but control and maybe future abuse. Its just as likely that hes just jealous and controlling, like every other sap who clamps down on his partners autonomy. The place is set up for meetings and conferences, has so many airline and flight options, plenty of cabs/Lyfts/Ubers, and staff at the facilities has run into every possible issue that can crop up. I meet family from California. Even the others theyre married to. I resent our new hires for setting better work-life boundaries than our company normally has, hairy legs at work, my office sent me a random TV, and more, heres an example of a great cover letter with before and after versions, my employee cant handle even mildly negative feedback, my new coworker is putting fake mistakes in my work so she can tell our boss Im bad at my job, insensitive Diversity Day, how to fire someone who refuses to talk to us, and more, weekend open thread February 25-26, 2023, assistant became abusive when she wasnt invited to a meeting, my coworkers dont check on people who are out sick, and more. Whether anxiety is a contributing factor or not, thats all it is. Counseling is legit, or ask him to come along. She has a job where you travel, and to him that probably sounds like shes achieving well (and she very well is) when *he is not,* comparatively. You obviously know this, and you know that your husband is being unreasonable, but your framing Do I do this to save my marriage? worries me, because it signals that you are in some sense accustomed to, or willing to seriously consider, accommodating your husbands irrational demands instead of advocating for your own needs. And not his fault, it was mine! If its my wife is going to a business conference.. My husband has some mental health issues (and some life experiences) that make him prone to excessive worry when I travel for work, and in my last job, I traveled A LOT. Husband Hates Socializing - Chabad.org But the husband is the asshole how dare he worry about his wife, Absolutely get counseling. This seems to be a common pattern, though of course not a certainty. The non-work things generally arent my cup of tea and if I want shows/museums/food Ill go to NY, London, Paris, Istanbul. It may not necessarily be abusive, but it is controlling it doesnt get a pass just because other people would do it. I am not fond of the recent uptick in stories like this or men and women who wont go on a business lunch alone because its with a member of the opposite sex. One of our Bright Side readers sent us an e-mail pouring her heart out about a tricky situation she's going through. Im pretty sure most religious counselors would see the ridiculousness of his position too. Either way, hes being unreasonable and interfering with your career, andcounseling to figure out whats at the root of that is stilla good step here. Get that man into counseling, pronto. And we have no way of knowing, so a lot of people are going the when this happened to me it was X, so thats whats happening here.. Sure there used to be a lot of strip joints, etc., but now the most naked people are in the Cirque shows, and they just look naked. This is the exact opposite of what youre suggesting, Ramona. HE is the one who needs counseling; going together would send the message that its an us issue. Seriously, I think most of my husbands friends have been to Las Vegas at some point for their jobs, no matter what their jobs are. Hopefully, a good counselor will see what, if any, underlying issues may be playing into this mess and refer him in the right direction. If OP and her husband are from perhaps a small conservative town and the husband has never been, theres a slim chance that hes reacting to this reputation. We took turns driving and stopped whenever we needed to fill up with gas or have a break, and if LO started crying and needed to be fed, we'd stop then, too. Its simple to plan a conference because food, rooms, space are all within one building. Of course, Im only going by what was in the letter. Good luck and enjoy the trip. I think you know that all of his fears could happen to you (or be things youd do) wherever you live or any place you travel to. Sogoahead and book that trip, and then make sure you spend asmuch time relaxing aspossible before your departure. Mothers anxious overprotectiveness would have destroyed me (and my relationship with her) if Id let it limit my life the way she wanted to (in the moment, when she was anxious). Thank you for sharing your story withus this iswhat weve come upwith: How would you react ifyou were inMayas shoes? Ive been to far more dangerous places. He can be kind of inflexible about certain things so the fact that this is 180 degrees from where it was should give you hope. If all he has to go off of are the stereotypes in movies and advertising then I can definitely see how it would be easy for him to be a combination of jealous and insecure. fractured ending scene; harold bornstein obituary cause of death; can you play volleyball with a torn acl; gambar teguh sugianto. I think its fine for different people to have different types of relationships. You just reminded me that a lot of Mormon fundamentalist families live in the suburbs of Vegas because people dont bother polygamist families out there like they do in Utah. My husband was very upset. One casino is the same as another, the food isnt as good as it once was (you have to go off-strip for the REALLY good stuff), and its crazy expensive. I don't think it won't be that bad though. I would not be surprised if those are who his friends are. Why he wants to go alone. Honestly the greatest threat to LWs safety is probably lung cancer from second-hand smoke in the casinos. She needs to act on whats happening, and then maybe delve into the why with AAMs excellent advice. Once I was done baby would go back into his seat until the next time. Congratulations, his friends are ALSO sexist and manipulative. Vegas is a perfectly lovely city where people raise families and everything!! Your friend is a wise woman. Answer (1 of 25): There could be a few reasons why a husband may not want to go out with his wife. Yes, this. with his friends, not you. One of the most important things I learned in therapy is that even though my feelings are real, they are not reasonable and not helpful, so its not appropriate to expect others to change their behavior to accommodate them. Perhaps its a typo, at first glance I thought it said wouldnt as its an awkward construction otherwise. I just caught that you were the main provider in your home. One doesnt just spontaneously undo decades of enculturation, on either side, and women are taught that we are *supposed* to accept emotional baggage AND that it is OUR JOB to do the emotional labor of fixing other peoples negative emotional states. He cant expect his partner to sacrifice herself to the whims of his anxiety. My own brain is like that. If the question was my husband is forbidding it because of emergency X then we still have the same issue. I do think the OP should be cautious and watch for other signs of controlling behavior/abuse, but if this is an aberration (and she says above that it is), I dont think the what happens in Vegas is enough to shift it for me. Long term I also agree with everyone elses recommendations for anxiety screening and counseling. They were lost and just wanted to get back to the station, happened to see one guy had a gun and started cryingwhich caused all the guys to worriedly come over, try to calm them down, then send a guy to escort them personally to the train station. Marriage counseling is fine, but this sounds like HIS problem, and I think he needs to work on that himself if youre going to get anywhere. Im still trying to figure a way out of it, but I wish I hadnt given in to his demands in the first place. But this type of situation cant stay like this, so dont jeopardize the ability to support yourself when things get worse. It was a hard thing to learn (Look, Mom, its so simple, just literally never leave the house and Ill never be anxious! sounds SO rational in your head when youre facing lots of catastrophic thoughts!)